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I was terrified about having twins. Years later, I have to admit that it was easier than having my firstborn.

by with No Comment Xpandfy

When the tech doing my ultrasound stopped halfway through and told me she needed to get the doctor, I braced for bad news.

This was my first pregnancy after a miscarriage. My eyes focused on the flickering overhead lights, trying so hard to contain my tears inside my eyes. My focus was interrupted by my doctor’s high-pitched voice, who — as she opened the door to the room — squealed, “Well, you’re having twins!”

My husband started laughing, and I started sobbing, but they weren’t happy tears. I was absolutely terrified of having twins.

I was in denial about having twins

I was so shocked that I kept telling my husband not to get his hopes up. I reminded him of the pregnancy loss we had just experienced, about how sometimes pregnancies start with multiple embryos, but only one baby makes it to the end, and at one point, I even suggested that one baby could eat the other in my uterus.

None of those things happened, and by the 20-week mark, I came around to the idea of having twins. It was clearly happening, evident by my enormous belly.

My fear was rooted in that I really struggled after my first child was born. I was utterly unprepared for the monumental shift that comes with motherhood. Compounded by the fact that I cannot operate without at least eight hours of sleep, I fell into a spiral of postpartum anxiety and depression that went completely undetected at my multiple check-ups.

I figured that having two more babies would mean that my sleep would be even worse, and therefore, my anxiety and depression would be doubled.

I focused on myself

Knowing my struggles, my doula suggested that we focus on myself when it came to preparing for postpartum the second time around, instead of the babies. My husband and I already knew what to expect when it came to having newborns, but neither of us wanted me to be crying 24/7, as I had been two years prior.

The stakes were low, intentionally.


Newborn twins

The stakes were low for the author after the birth of her twins.

Courtesy of the author



I decided that the twins were going to be fed whichever way worked, whether it was breastmilk from my breasts, from a bottle, or formula. My focus was not to extend myself trying to make breastfeeding work. When it came to feeding, I also decided they would get bottles for their night feeds, so we could ensure they were getting enough calories for optimal sleep. My husband would wake up with me, feed the babies while I pumped, then we would each change one, and put them back to sleep. If one baby woke up to eat, we woke the other too, so they’d be on somewhat of a schedule.

I also didn’t expect to be fitting back into my clothes by a certain date, or even attempt to wear real clothes for months. When the pandemic hit, and everyone was at home, it helped me with my FOMO. No one was doing anything anyway, so I didn’t really care if I was wearing the same T-shirt for three days. Who was going to notice?

They are so close

As they grew older, and I experienced the twin magic right in front of my eyes, I also realized that they had a built-in play buddy.

While with my son, I had to sit on the floor with him and keep him entertained; the twins would play independently with each other for chunks of time, letting me do something as simple as load the laundry.

Now that they are 6 years old, they help each other out all the time. If one is thirsty in the middle of the night, instead of coming to us to wake us up, they go together to grab water and run back to bed. They, of course, fight like any siblings, but they can also spend hours in their room setting up their stuffed animals as an audience for one of their pretend dance performances.

Recently, I was looking back at photos of me pregnant with them, and I could see the fear in my eyes. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that I was better prepared for twins than I was for a singleton, and that I was in for one of the most unbelievable rides of my life.




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I spent years traveling nonstop. It took me too long to admit my ‘dream life’ was actually horrible for my health.

by with No Comment Xpandfy

I was living the dream — flying internationally nearly once a month for my work as a travel writer, crisscrossing the globe to cover incredible destinations.

Invitations like cruising the Norwegian coastline and then jetting off to a buzzy restaurant opening in Las Vegas were too good to refuse, even if they were happening back-to-back.

Meanwhile, the frequent long-haul flights, indulgent meals, packed itineraries, and erratic sleep schedules were quietly taking a toll on my health — I was gaining a substantial amount of weight and frequently feeling exhausted.

I just told myself that less-than-stellar health was just the price of admission for this sort of career. After all, my job consisted of bucket-list-worthy experiences, like hiking in Peru and going on safari in Kenya!

It took me several years to admit to myself that I couldn’t keep living this way.

As much as I love traveling, doing it nonstop wasn’t great for my physical or mental health


Woman smiling in front of stone relics

I love traveling, but it can be exhausting.

Meredith Bethune



In reality, the job of my dreams consisted of overnight flights where I’d get little to no rest, then hit the ground running as soon as I arrived at my destinations.

After I’d fly back home from some trips, it would take me nearly a week to recover from jet lag. My stress levels were often cranked up, dealing with flight delays, deadlines, and navigation across different states and countries.

With grueling daily schedules on the road, I rarely had time to answer emails. I’d come home to a full inbox and even fuller calendar.

The regular exposure to dry air on planes wasn’t helping my immune system, and neither was all the stress. I felt like I was constantly getting sick with colds, flus, or whatever was going around.

Meanwhile, my diet wasn’t balanced or nutritious. It largely consisted of indulgent meals on press trips, where I felt pressure to try everything so I could write about it.

Saying no felt awkward, even when I knew I’d feel better if I could set firmer boundaries.


Woman peeking out of red phone booth, smiling

I’ve been able to see many places through my work as a travel writer.

Meredith Bethune



On top of all that, I wasn’t exercising. After all, press trips run on tight schedules. I’d return to the hotel late, wake up early, sit in a van for hours between stops, and finish the day with a multicourse dinner.

Some fellow writers managed to fit in workouts, but I didn’t. It wasn’t a priority for me then.

All the travel felt isolating at times, too. I was spending most of my days with publicists, fellow writers, and guides. They were all lovely people, but not permanent fixtures in my life.

My closest friends lived far away, and I kept postponing visits because I was always either traveling or catching up from being away.

Meanwhile, my parents were getting older and needed more support.

After nearly a decade of jet-setting, by 2019, it had become undeniable that my mother’s memory problems went beyond normal aging. Finally, I felt compelled to take my health seriously.

My mother’s diagnosis felt like a wake-up call to prioritize my well-being


Woman smiling in ice hotel

Eventually, I realized I couldn’t travel so much without facing some consequences for my own health.

Meredith Bethune



By that time, my mother’s cognitive difficulties had progressed so much that she no longer seemed like herself. And though her official Alzheimer’s diagnosis came later, by then, it was just a formality. We had already known for years.

There wasn’t anything I could do to stop my mom’s Alzheimer’s from progressing, but I threw myself into researching the disease so I could know more about what the future held for her and, eventually, me.

I worried whether a similar diagnosis — one millions of Americans share — could be in the cards for me someday.

Though it’s not preventable, some studies and members of the medical community suggest that certain lifestyle changes, like being physically active and managing blood sugar and blood pressure levels, may lower one’s risk of developing some forms of the disease or delay its symptoms.

Even if I couldn’t prevent a future diagnosis, I knew finally taking care of my body and mind would be good for me. All that nonstop travel had been quietly wrecking my health, and the way I’d been living and working wasn’t sustainable.

I feel much better now that I’m traveling way less


Woman hiking grand canyon

I can’t control the future, but I can at least prioritize my health.

Meredith Bethune



It’s been over five years since I significantly cut back on travel.

I exercise almost every day and try to regularly follow a balanced diet. I’ve since lost over 50 pounds and sleep much better.

When I do go on trips, I do so with more intention and a lot of focus on the Northeast, close to home.

I probably take an overnight or weekend trip within driving distance about every six weeks. I still fly for work once or twice a year, but I’m no longer constantly on the road, and my body feels the difference.

When I go on bigger trips, I actually feel like I have more opportunities than I did before. Recently, I even hiked the Grand Canyon rim-to-rim, which I would never have attempted back when I was out of shape and constantly feeling drained.

Giving up on my dream job wasn’t easy, but I want to feel good and stay in great shape for as long as I can — even if that means finding peace at home instead of abroad.




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