Posts tagged: care

Lauren McCadney had always wanted to live next door to friends or family. In her late 50s, she finally made that happen, though not the way she’d planned.

In 2020, Lauren’s mother, who had been living with her brother and his family in Frederick, Maryland, died. Lauren, who was going through a difficult divorce and doesn’t have children, decided she wanted to be closer to her family and help her brother care for their dad, who was dealing with his own health challenges.

In 2021, she moved from her home in Chicago to Maryland, renting a house a few blocks away from her brother, James, her sister-in-law, Lorri, and twin 20-year-old nephews, Drew and Carter. In 2023, the five-bedroom house next door to James and Lorri went on the market, and Lauren bought it and moved in with her sister, Cheryl.

Now the seven family members live between the two houses, sharing caregiving responsibilities for James Sr., the family patriarch, and forming what they call a family compound.

Multigenerational living was once the norm in the US. Before World War II, it was almost unheard of for older adults to live independently or to receive care outside their families, while younger people often waited until marriage to move out. That changed for millions of American families as they lived farther apart, independent living services for older people became more accessible, and more women joined the workforce.

Now, as the costs of housing, long-term care for seniors, and childcare soar, that trend is beginning to reverse. The McCadneys are one of a growing number of American families moving back in together — or never separating in the first place. The number of people in the US living in multigenerational households — those with two or more adult generations — quadrupled between 1971 and 2021, according to Pew Research.

“I feel very blessed and fortunate that we have the situation we have,” Lauren said, “because I have friends who are the primary solo caregiver, and that is hard.”

Sharing caregiving and expenses

The McCadney family splits caregiving duties — and everyone saves money in their arrangement.

Lauren, who retired from her career in tech marketing in 2024, renovated her house to suit her family’s needs, refinishing the basement into a separate living space for Cheryl and making the first floor accessible for their father, who has a neurological condition that makes walking difficult and affects his memory.

Cheryl, who pays below-market rent, takes care of Lauren’s dog while she’s on vacation. Their brother manages most of their father’s personal and medical care, while Cheryl spends a lot of time with him during the day. Lauren likes to take her father, who uses a scooter, to restaurants, breweries, and concerts.

When any family member goes on vacation or is otherwise occupied, they know another family member will be there to take care of the elder James.

By not putting the elder James in assisted living or a nursing home, the family is saving significant sums. “Unless you’re a billionaire, I don’t think that most people have the luxury of saying cost is not a consideration,” Lauren said.

They also appreciate the peace of mind that comes from knowing their dad is being cared for by family. Plus, James Sr. wasn’t keen on moving into a facility.

“We know that he’s going to get much better care, and from a socialization perspective, from a stimulation perspective, from having a reason to get out of bed perspective,” Lauren said. “That’s something you cannot put a price on.”

Drew and Carter, who save on rent by living at home, also chip in, including by helping Lauren. They mow their aunt’s lawn, give her rides to the airport, and recently drove her to and from eye surgery.

“I do love that my boys have lived their formative years in a multigenerational household,” said Lorri, who’s a teacher. “It is, hopefully, clear to them that love is an action.”

Navigating challenges and an uncertain future

There are real challenges with caring for an aging family member. The siblings don’t have as much flexibility or privacy as they otherwise would. Cheryl said that before she moved in with Lauren, she “had grown accustomed to living alone and having flexibility to decide when to or not to interact with others.” Living with family has changed that.

James and Lorri are sandwiched between caring for their kids and their parents, all while juggling full-time jobs. Even as the couple is on the precipice of becoming empty-nesters, they’re responsible for someone who’s ever more dependent on them.

“I know there are times when James is exhausted and or frustrated,” Lorri said, “and as his wife, that’s hard to watch.”

James, who works for Maryland’s Department of Human Services, said there’s a constant balance to strike in doing right by all of his family members.

“Am I taking anything away from my children, or did I take anything away from them?” he said. “We hope that we’re doing all the right things.”

The McCadneys don’t know how long they’ll stay where they are. Lauren’s house requires a lot of maintenance that she’d rather not have to deal with as she ages. Lorri and James hope to someday downsize and spend more time at the beach in their travel trailer. As long as the elder James is living with them, the couple said they’ll stay in their home.

Lauren doesn’t know who will take care of her when she’s older. She and her friends talk about buying a piece of land and building several small homes on it, creating their own communal living arrangement where they could share a caregiver and help each other out.

“A lot of my friends are sitting around right now having this conversation, which is, ‘We don’t have kids, who’s taking care of us? How do we do this?'” she said.

While so much about the future is uncertain, she’s taking one day at a time for now.

“I’m just happy that everything works for right now,” she said.