Applause broke out during an Oklahoma man’s speech at a city council meeting on Tuesday to discuss a proposed data center. A minute later, shouts of disbelief rang out across the room.
“Disgusting!” one woman shouted as Claremore Police Department officers handcuffed and escorted Daniel Blanchard out of the room.
Authorities said they arrested Blanchard, whose speech exceeded the three-minute time limit, for trespassing.
Over 100 people, including Blanchard, had gathered in a ballroom at Rogers State University in Claremore to voice their opinions about the large data center project. The developer, Beale Infrastructure, is proposing a campus in the Claremore Industrial Park that includes data centers, supporting infrastructure, and office space.
Blanchard was among the residents who opted to speak during the public comment portion, which limits each person to three minutes. In his speech, Blanchard spoke about what he considered compliance issues related to the potential data centers.
“The Claremore Industrial Economic Development Authority has a fiduciary responsibility to the public, not to build infrastructure. And this act of overreach is putting the health and safety of members of this community at risk,” he said.
AI is driving a data center construction boom across the United States. While companies like OpenAI argue that building new data centers will reindustrialize the US economyand create jobs, residents of towns where developers are proposing new data centers worry about their impact on power grids, water resources, pollution, and overall quality of life.
In an investigation published in September, Business Insider reported that over 1,200 data centers had already been built or were approved for construction across the country.
The proposed data center in Claremore, a suburban hub of Tulsa home to about 20,000 people, has divided the town. During the three-hour meeting on Tuesday evening, dozens of residents spoke both in favor and against the project.
Blanchard exceeded his three minutes by about 30 seconds before police officers approached him. He gathered his notes and calmly followed the officers to the front of the hall, where town officials were sitting.
In a video of the meeting posted by the town on its YouTube channel, Blanchard appears to hand his notes to a council member. At that point, police arrested Blanchard, placing him in handcuffs. The crowd hollered in shock.
In a statement, the Claremore Police Department said officers aren’t responsible for enforcing city council rules and only become involved in city council meetings when an official orders them to remove an individual.
“The man’s position on the issues, what he said, or his unwillingness to follow rules of the meeting played no part in the officer’s decision to arrest him,” the statement said. “He was arrested for trespassing in compliance with the law and with the hope of restoring order to an important meeting.”
A local politician fighting the data center project posted to X on Wednesday that Blanchard has been released from jail. The next council meeting is scheduled for March 2.
After five years in Qatar, Elisa Orsi and her husband, David Sleight, knew they were ready to leave the desert behind.
They had moved from Australia to the Middle Eastern country in 2019 with their three kids — all under 6 — after Sleight accepted ajob there.
Already big travelers before they had kids, the couple used school holidays to see the world after starting a family, before later leveraging Sleight’s teaching career to travel even more.
The family moved to Qatar from Australia because they wanted to experience more of the world.
“Usually when people have children, it deters them from travel, but we went completely the other way,” Orsi, 37, a stay-at-home mom, told Business Insider.
Life in Qatar felt safe and comfortable, and it served as a base from which they could explore the region, traveling to places like Jordan, Turkey, and Egypt.
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Gradually, the couple found themselves looking for something new.
“By the time we came back from our summer holiday in 2024, we said, ‘OK, we’re done. We need a change,'” Orsi said.
In August 2024, the family packed up their bags and moved to Hangzhou, a bustling city in eastern China.
Moving to China
China had been on their radar for a long time, though neither of them had visited before.
It wasn’t until Sleight came across an online job ad for a teaching role in Hangzhou that they began looking into the city.
The family had traveled through other parts of Asia and always wondered what life in China was like.
“I was impressed with the natural beauty and how modern the city appeared. I knew China was very well connected by the railway infrastructure, so I wasn’t overly concerned about the location,” Sleight, 45, told Business Insider.
The couple looped their kids, who are now 11, 9, and 7, into the conversation about moving to China early. “We wanted to give them lots of time to process and to get an understanding of what was happening,” she said.
“We have a philosophy that we talk to our children, and we keep them informed about the decisions we make,” Orsi said.
The couple involved their three young children in conversations about the move early on.
To ease the transition, they showed their kids YouTube videos about China and the school they would attend.
When they arrived in Hangzhou, Orsi said their first impressions quickly put any lingering nerves at ease.
“We were actually quite shocked to see how clean, how modern, how organized, and how convenient everything is,” Orsi said. “Sometimes you watch videos, but unless you’re actually in it, you can’t really understand it to that degree until it affects your life.”
Their children attend an international school, and Sleight teaches English in the school’s bilingual program.
House-hunting was a breeze because the school put them in contact with a real-estate agent ahead of their move.
They live in an apartment about five minutes away from the school.
“We wanted to have a bedroom for each of the kids, and we were looking for amenities,” she said. “Most importantly, we wanted to be close to the school.”
Within 10 days of arriving in China, the family moved into a four-bedroom apartment. It’s about a five-minute drive from the school and roughly 50 minutes outside the city center, in a neighborhood dominated by local Chinese families.
Rent is 5,500 Chinese yuan, or about $790 a month, and is covered by the school as part of Sleight’s employment contract.
Life in Hangzhou
Moves like the couple’s have become more common in recent years. China’s latest national census shows that 845,697 foreigners were living in the country in 2020, up from 593,832 a decade earlier.
Even with a growing foreign community, the transition isn’t always easy.
The biggest challenge has been the language barrier, though translation apps have helped. Orsi is learning Mandarin through online apps, while the children learn it at school.
Sleight relies on support from bilingual teachers and staff, and many parents at the school speak English.
“During staff meetings and presentations, I wear an earpiece and listen to a live translation provided by the school’s professional translator,” he said. Sleight added that parents and staff also communicate through a messaging app with built-in translation.
In China, the family also had to get used to a system in which nearly everything, including payments, is done on a smartphone.
Despite those adjustments, Orsi said safety has been one of the most striking aspects of life in China. She said she’s often asked about the presence of surveillance cameras, but sees them as a positive.
Orsi said the level of safety in China has given her children more freedom to move about on their own.
“If anything were to go wrong, the issue would be resolved very, very quickly. So the children, they can be outside on their own,” Orsi said. She added that she probably wouldn’t feel comfortable giving her kids the same level of freedom even in Townsville, a city in North Queensland, where they lived before moving to Qatar.
It’s also common to see children wearing kid-friendly smartwatches, which let them be more independent.
“You can see their location, they can call you, they can pay for things, and so they can go anywhere. They’ll organize their own play dates and go and meet their friends,” she said.
As a woman, Orsi also feels safe walking alone, including from the train station late at night. “I have not thought about it twice. I wouldn’t do it in Australia. And I wouldn’t do it in Argentina, where I’m from,” she said. Orsi moved to Australia in her teens and later met Sleight while working at a telecommunications company.
The family has been using school holidays to travel around China, including to the Great Wall.
It took a year, but Orsi says the family finally feels settled in their new home. Most of their social circle has grown out of the school community, including other parents and foreign teachers.
The longer school days have also given Orsi more time for herself. She said she’s picked up new hobbies, including learning to play the piano, going to the gym, and focusing on content creation for their YouTube channel, where she and Sleight document their family life in China.
Sleight is on a three-year contract at the school. As for what comes next, Orsi said the family hasn’t made any firm decisions.
“I think we would probably like to move elsewhere and go to another country when our contract is up, but that could change,” she said. “We may very well decide to stay in China and move to another school or experience a different city.”
Do you have a story to share about relocating to a new city? Contact this reporter at agoh@businessinsider.com.
My wife and I are about to take our two kids to Disneyland … and I’m absolutely terrified.
Not because I don’t want to go. My nearly 3-year-old carries his Mickey Mouse stuffie everywhere. He sleeps with it. Eats with it. When he sees Mickey in real life, he’ll lose it. I can’t wait for that.
Here’s the problem: I’m really worried about how much it’s going to cost. The price of visiting Disney — and competing amusement parks — has been rising for years. But the upper end of what it can cost, depending on the experience you want, has entered rarefied air.
In a recent Business Insider documentary, we dug into Disney’s history to better understand the real reason the Mouse House has gotten so expensive. When Disneyland opened in 1955, admission was basically pocket change. Back then, it cost 50 cents for a child and $1 an adult, to get in, or $6 and $12, respectively, in today’s dollars adjusted for inflation. Going on the rides cost more.
Today, admission plus rides can run close to $200 a day, although the lower tiers are cheaper. Then there’s the food. The merchandise. Not to mention the enormous crowds and the endless lines if you don’t pay for a line-jumping pass. The happiest place on Earth? My wallet might disagree.
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Disney parks have been a bright spot for the company post-COVID under the stewardship of parks czar Josh D’Amaro. He is set to succeed Bob Iger as CEO.
The question now is whether Disney diehards start to change course.
One hardcore Disney fan who still visits multiple times a year told us she’s cut back on extras and avoids premium shortcuts or add-ons.
Another family dropped nearly $10,000 on Disney World and came home with a list of what they’d cut next time.
There are Disney-specific budgeting stories, too, showing how families save on tickets, food, and hotels. I’m taking notes.
My real fear isn’t the credit-card bill. What if my kids love it? What if they beg to go back? What if this trip becomes such a core memory — priceless, one might say — that they measure other vacations against it?
Wish me luck.
What are your best Disney tricks and hacks? I’d love to hear from you at srussolillo@businessinisider.com.
I’ve been to Disney World many times, and I like to think I know how to do it on a “budget” … at least, a loose one.
Recently, my partner and I planned a last-minute trip to the theme park on our way to visit family in Southern Florida for the holidays.
Between flights, transportation to and from the airport, lodging, park tickets, food, and souvenirs, we spent about $1,600, or $800 each … for about 48 hours in the Disney bubble.
Here’s a look at what we spent, ways we saved, and what we might do differently next time.
We stuck with a value resort since we wouldn’t be spending much time in our room
All-Star Music is a value resort at Disney.
Jordyn Bradley
We spent $237 on our flights from Fort Myers, Florida, to Orlando and landed a few hours before we planned to visit Disney World.
By the time we arrived at our value resort, All-Star Music, our room was ready for check-in ($319 for two nights).
We tend to choose value resorts because they are the cheapest hotels on Disney property. Plus, stays come with complimentary bus transportation to the parks and Disney Springs.
All-Star Music was the cheapest of the five Disney value resorts when we booked, and our room provided us with enough space for our short stay.
After grabbing some snacks at the hotel food court ($25), we took a much-needed nap and got ready to visit Magic Kingdom.
Since we attended a seasonal event, we didn’t need buy separate park tickets
Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party was fun.
Jordyn Bradley
Fortunately, past me unknowingly helped me save during the trip.
I had two unused tickets to last year’s Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party — an additional ticketed event held at Magic Kingdom — that I was able to put toward a new party date. I just had to pay the difference, which was $21 for both tickets.
These tickets typically run $169 to $209 per person, and they felt virtually free since I’d already paid for them in the past.
We also didn’t need to buy a park ticket because we were able to enter Magic Kingdom at 4 p.m. on our event day — and we could stay until midnight.
Several drinks and treats were included with our ticket
Our Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party tickets came with some freebies.
Jordyn Bradley
When we arrived at Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party, we each got an ornament and a Mickey-shaped peppermint marshmallow.
Our ticket also included festive treats and drinks, like cookies and hot chocolate, that we picked up throughout the evening. I’d estimate we consumed at least $30 worth of treats.
We got our sugar fill with those and purchased a few savory bites, like my favorite meal at Magic Kingdom, the ham-and-Gruyère croissant sandwich with chips ($11) at Gaston’s Tavern.
We also got popcorn for only $2.50 because we got a refill in our reusable popcorn bucket — it’s a must-pack item for every Disney trip.
I kept my souvenir purchases to a pair of mix-and-match character ears ($46 for a headband and two characters to go on it) and a commemorative event pin ($23).
The party also included performances, a holiday parade, fireworks, character meet and greets, and access to classic rides (which sometimes have shorter waits than a normal park day).
We got to ride all the Magic Kingdom rides we wanted to (some multiple times) without having to pay extra for line-skipping Lightning Lane passes.
A Magic Kingdom ticket on its own can run upwards of $200 depending on the day, so the special event add-ons, like unique character meet and greets and complimentary snacks, definitely make the ticket price worth it.
These events are my hack to a cheaper Disney day ifyou’re down to have a late night and stay in one park instead of opting for a flexible-but-pricier park-hopper pass.
If it’s your first time at Magic Kingdom and you can get a one-day ticket for the same price or less than the party ticket, I’d stick with the former so you can go at your own pace.
Our second day was focused on eating around the world at Epcot, and we didn’t spare any expense
I don’t regret buying the carrot cake.
Jordyn Bradley
We purchased two single-day tickets to Epcot for our second day, which cost us $381.
On longer trips, we normally opt for the flexibility of park-hoppers, but we didn’t want to spend our limited time traveling between parks. Plus, the flexible multi-park ticket would’ve cost over $70 more per person.
Since we were staying in Epcot, we didn’t buy Lightning Lane passes.
I don’t think they’re worth it here because the park doesn’t have many rides — plus, we could use single-rider lanes to skip large waits at both Remy’s Ratatouille Adventure and Test Track.
Most of our money was spent at on food and drinks from booths at Epcot International Food and Wine Festival.
We got a lot of drinks and bites during the Epcot International Food and Wine Festival.
Jordyn Bradley
We revisited festival classics, like the filet mignon with mashed potatoes ($20 for two orders) from the Canada pavilion, and tried some new favorites, like the flauta de barbacoa ($9) from the booth in Mexico. We loved the latter so much we got it twice.
Other favorites included the warm carrot cake with cream-cheese icing ($5), which I get every year, and my favorite drink, the Ottawa Apple ($16.50).
The chicken dumplings we had were just OK.
Jordyn Bradley
Some bites were just OK, like the chicken dumplings ($6) in the China pavilion.
However, I’m glad we looked into festival menus in advance to plan which booths we wanted to prioritize. This helped us save time and money while getting me more excited about our trip.
I shelled out the most money on collectible pins
I often meet characters and trade pins when I visit Disney.
Jordyn Bradley
Every time I go to Disney, I know I’m going to put most of my souvenir budget toward collectible enamel pins, and this trip was no exception.
Many of these pins can only be purchased at Disney parks, and collecting and trading them is a popular hobby.
On this trip, I was trying to complete a set and only needed one more pin, so I bought multiple mystery two-packs at about $23 each.
Ultimately, I spent $165 on mystery packs, which is more than my share of the hotel. I didn’t complete my set and I ended up with way more pins than I wanted (or needed).
Next time, I’ll buy one or two pins that I can pick out myself instead of mystery packs. I also plan to hold off on buying more until I can swap the ones I don’t want at one of the trading stations in the parks.
We ended our trip with a free activity
After our full Epcot day, our last afternoon was spent walking around Disney Springs.
The shopping and dining spot has free parking and is a nice place to wander if you’re wanting to be part of the Disney bubble without forking over hundreds for tickets.
Then, we headed to the airport for our flights home ($197).
All in all, we enjoyed ourselves and made the most of our 48 hours
I didn’t calculate what I spent until I got home, but I didn’t shy away from lots of snacks and mystery pin packs, so it’s not surprising how we got there.
Jordyn Bradley
Many people could spend what we did on our two-day trip and stay at resorts with nicer amenities or have more park days and sit-down meals.
However, because this trip was last-minute, we were happy with anything we made the time for, and since it was shorter, we felt better about having a higher food and souvenir budget.
Those were our priorities, especially since we never spend enough time at our hotel to justify booking a nicer one at a higher nightly rate.
We could’ve made the trip more affordable by spending less on souvenirs, which we will likely do next time. However, now I have more pins to trade for my next trip — and a way to remember one of our favorites.
Washington Post owner Jeff Bezos gave his first public statement since the paper enacted massive job cuts this week, and it focused on “data” and understanding reader interests.
The billionaire Amazon founder, who built one of the world’s most valuable companies with a relentless focus on customer satisfaction, indicated he wanted to see that same energy at the Post.
“The Post has an essential journalistic mission and an extraordinary opportunity,” Bezos wrote. “Each and every day our readers give us a roadmap to success. The data tells us what is valuable and where to focus.”
Bezos’ statement came as Post CEO Will Lewis announced he was stepping down, to be replaced in an interim capacity by Post CFO Jeff D’Onofrio.
Bezos’ statement struck a similar tone to comments made by the paper’s top editor, Matt Murray, in addressing staff earlier this week.
“Today is about positioning ourselves to become more essential to people’s lives in what has become a more crowded, competitive, and complicated media landscape,” Murray said during a staff call on Wednesday. “For too long, we’ve operated with a structure that’s too rooted in the days when we were a quasi-monopoly local newspaper.”
Murray sent staffers a detailed memo on Wednesday that outlined focus areas in which he said the Post demonstrates “authority, distinctiveness, and impact.” Those priority areas will include politics, national affairs, national security, and other forces “shaping our future,” like science and business, Murray wrote.
Murray spoke repeatedly about focusing on areas of reader interest and understanding audience data in an appearance following the layoffs on the Puck podcast “The Grill Room.”
The messaging from Bezos and Murray could help appease some critics who have seen moves by the Post in recent years as rooted in political ideology and not data — though it will be difficult to win them over.
The Post faced a revolt both inside the newsroom and among readers when Bezos made a late-hour call in 2024 that the paper wouldn’t endorse a presidential candidate for the first time in 36 years. NPR reported that more than 200,000 subscriptions were canceled in the days following.
The paper faced another round of criticism in February 2025 when Bezos decided to reorient the Post’s opinion section — generally considered the owner’s prerogative — around personal liberties and free markets.
Former Post executive editor Martin Baron, who worked closely with Bezos during his tenure as top editor, wrote in a LinkedIn post after the layoffs that the paper’s challenges had been made “infinitely worse by ill-conceived decisions that came from the very top.”
Critics of Bezos’ moves have said he should consider financially supporting the paper, given its role in society.
“It just seems heartbreaking that he doesn’t feel the paper is important enough to bankroll,” Sally Quinn, the longtime journalist and widow of former Post executive editor, Ben Bradlee, said this week on CNN.
Bezos said in his statement that he felt the Post’s leadership going forward could build an “exciting and thriving next chapter” for the paper.
US planning for the high-risk raid to apprehend Venezuela’s former president, Nicolás Maduro, centered on a time when much of the country’s military would be on holiday leave, a newly released memo reveals.
The December 23 memorandum from the Department of Justice’s Office of Legal Counsel offers fresh details about how the US planned to pull off the daring nighttime raid to capture Maduro in his fortified compound and transport him to New York to stand trial. The former leader has pleaded not guilty to the drug and weapons charges he faces.
The raid began late on January 2 and ran into the next day. President Donald Trump said on January 3 that the initial plan was for the operation to occur four days earlier, on December 30, but he decided to wait for better weather.
“The expected duration of the operation within Venezuelan territory is [redacted] hours,” wrote T. Elliot Gaiser, a US assistant attorney general, wrote in the late December DOJ memo, which looks into the legality of the raid and was made public this week. Much of the planning section is blacked out.
“In order to minimize casualties, the strike will take place at 0100 am (local time) on a date where a maximum number of Venezuelan military would be on leave for the holidays,” Gaiser wrote.
The US attacked Venezuelan military targets as part of its raid earlier this month.
Federico PARRA/AFP via Getty Images
It’s unclear how many soldiers were away when the US actually executed the operation in January. Dozens of Venezuelan and Cuban security personnel were killed, the two countries said after Operation Absolute Resolve concluded.
The DOJ memo, which cited Pentagon planning information and details how the US could effectively present the action as a law enforcement operation rather than an act of war, said that the US expected to encounter “significant resistance” from Venezuela’s air defenses.
That anticipated resistance includes several dozen anti-aircraft systems on the approach to Fuerte Tiuna, a major military installation in Caracas where Maduro and his wife were believed to be and, indeed, were at the time of the operation.
The memo outlined how US aircraft would strike air defense systems to clear a path for assault forces to reach Tiuna. It said that the Pentagon aimed to target a local power switching station to keep the power off, which could explain Trump’s post-raid remarks that a “certain expertise” was used to turn off the lights in Caracas.
The US could have also carried out a cyberattack or employed electronic warfare capabilities. “Kinetic operations will be preceded by non-kinetic action,” the memo said.
More than 150 US aircraft participated in the operation.
Eva Marie Uzcategui/REUTERS
The memo was published several days before the raid, so it’s unclear how US planning may have changed between the time it was written and the actual operation.
Dan Caine, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said on January 3 after the raid that more than 150 US aircraft participated in the operation, including stealth jets, electronic attack aircraft, surveillance and reconnaissance planes, airborne early warning aircraft, bombers, and drones.
Many of these aircraft targeted and engaged Venezuela’s air defenses to clear a path for low-flying helicopters carrying the forces that stormed Maduro’s compound and apprehended the former president and his wife, consistent with the planning memo.
The US didn’t lose any aircraft during the raid. A helicopter took a hit but still remained operational, and a defense official said seven American service members were wounded during the night.
“Risks to the mission are significant,” the memo said, adding that its “success will depend on surprise.” In the aftermath, Caine said the US achieved “totally the element of surprise.”
When people asked me what I was doing for the holidays, I responded almost too giddily, “I’m spending it alone.” Their eyes narrowed, “What?”
I told them I was sending my husband and the kids to his family in Massachusetts, and I’d stay back in Pennsylvania. All. By. Myself. I wouldn’t have to answer to anyone or for anything. Not requests for snacks or one more backrub. I wouldn’t have to sit rigid, wondering if one of my three kids was creeping out of a bed that wasn’t theirs. Or defend my parenting style while my oldest yelled about how life wasn’t fair and we must all really hate him, and why should he have to listen to anyone anyway.
After a beat, every single mom (and a few dads) told me: “I’m jealous. I want to do that. How did you swing that?”
I had hit a breaking point
The decision to be alone during the holidays came slowly at first and then all at once. I’d hit a breaking point that most parents, especially moms, are all too familiar with. But the moment I toyed with the idea of staying back — in a quiet, clean, empty house — that was it. It was all I could think about.
The author’s spouse was supportive of her taking time off.
Courtesy of the author
I broached the topic, gently, with my husband, who couldn’t have been more supportive and emphatic. “You should take a few days away!” But I didn’t want to be away. I wanted to be home alone. That was the key.
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As the days ticked closer to The Big Departure, people asked me when Jeff and the kids were leaving. “Wednesday, but I can’t ask when, specifically,” I’d laugh.
I explained to the kids that I needed some alone time; I needed to take a break. They, who are 8, 5, and 3, were relatively unfazed. My middle, big-feeling daughter made me promise to call her every two minutes. I wanted them to know that it was OK for Mom (or Dad) to step away and be alone. It didn’t mean I loved them any less. Something, something about distance making the heart grow fonder.
Self-care is crucial
Mental health experts agree. Solitude can be a crucial form of self-care (unless it makes you truly uncomfortable to be totally alone). “When you seek out intentional solitude, and the demands on your attention and focus melt away, it allows you to have a level of awareness that can support healing and growth,” Emily Moriarty, M.Ed., a licensed professional counselor and director of clinical services at Reset Outdoors, told Business Insider.
Finally, they were off. And I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everything was weirdly quiet. Clean. Empty. I loved it. I had a couple of low-key plans over the next few days, but my goal was to savor the silence and the lack of a schedule.
The author really enjoyed her time alone.
Courtesy of the author
When 5 p.m. rolled around on the first night, I started making dinner while listening to music. I danced a little. I ate while reading a book. No one argued with me that they didn’t like what was served. Cleanup was easy. I put my dishes away. I didn’t need to sweep — I don’t spill things on the floor.
I turned my phone off; I didn’t need an alarm. No one needed to reach me, and if they did, they could wait. Dad was more than capable. I slept in. I drank coffee on the couch in front of the fire in my pajamas. I forced myself to allow things to move slowly — something I have a hard time doing with or without kids.
“Solitude doesn’t include sitting alone in an office working,” Moriarty said. “It has to be non-work, non-caregiving time.”
When it was time for the Big Holiday Meal, I thought I’d feel a little lonely. But I didn’t, and that, I realized, was because this was my choice. I knew my family was enjoying themselves with relatives they don’t often see and having a little vacation. And I knew that they’d all be home before I knew it.
I had a little mom guilt
By the end of the fourth day, the air was thick with anticipation of the kids and Jeff coming home. I felt like I couldn’t watch TV fast enough. I couldn’t sit in a quiet, empty house fast enough. I couldn’t drink enough coffee fast enough. But when I started making dinner at 5 p.m., awaiting their 8 p.m. arrival, I realized if I had to keep doing this, I might get a little… bored?
I’m sure that has more to do with the stark contrast of raising three kids, co-running a household, and having a (fairly successful) career, and four days of abrupt, near-total solitude. If I didn’t have kids at all, I’m sure I wouldn’t be bored at 7 p.m.
People have since asked me if this will be my new holiday tradition. I did like it, maybe a bit too much, but it feels wrong to indefinitely celebrate the holidays without my kith and kin. Four days weren’t enough to assuage Mom Guilt, apparently.
I have not spent Christmas with my mother in more than a decade. We have spent our Christmases apart simply because of geography. We’ve been living on opposite sides of the country: a five-hour flight or a 26-hour car ride through unpredictable weather.
So, she’s kept to herself for the holidays, and I’ve become the keeper of Christmas for my immediate family. Even as my sons grew up and moved away, taking on their own roles to make our holidays special, I’m still the list-maker, the “don’t forget” reminder, and the decider in all things.
My four sons, all between 25 and 31 years old, have helped lighten my load over the years, especially as their partners have come onto the scene. Christmas was just starting to take on a new, easier shape.
But this year, my mother lost her husband of nearly 40 years, so she’s coming to visit, and I’m realizing how far I will need to stretch my budget.
I have to be my mother’s Santa this year
At first, I didn’t really think about how my mother’s arrival might change my own role for the holidays. I just thought about my mom, exhausted and heartbroken and unmoored by the loss of the husband she has lived with for more than half her life.
But as she gets ready to fly to me for Christmas, I’m realizing she’s going to need me to be her Santa.
My mom needs a Santa. She has suffered this year in a way I cannot even imagine. She needs soothing; she needs to be reintroduced to a big family Christmas. She needs a stocking filled with fun, thoughtful trinkets. She needs me to make this year extra magical, and honestly, I’m worried I’m not up to the task.
I’m struggling to keep up with everything this Christmas
I’m finding this Christmas overwhelming because everyone in the family needs me for different reasons. My kids need me to bring them together, to cook for them and bake for them, and organize a big rental space for the group of us.
The author and her four sons usually spend Christmas together.
Courtesy of Jennifer McGuire
I’m also paying attention to everyone’s finances, thinking about who is doing well and who is not. I’m thinking about who might need a bit more and how I can give a bit more without playing favorites. How can I afford a bit more?
This is, perhaps, the crux of Christmas this year. The weight of giving to my children and my mother when they all need more. Whether it’s holiday gifts, time, or food, everyone needs me to be their person this year.
Even though everyone in the house will be a grown-up, I’m left feeling, for all intents and purposes, like the only grown-up for the holidays.
I’m struggling financially
I’m worried that I simply cannot afford to be Santa for everyone — not this year. Like many others, I have lost job after job in 2025. I am swimming just below the surface of losing everything, and I can’t seem to come up for air.
I know that no one in my family expects a lot for Christmas, but even a little something to make the day special for each person who so deeply deserves it will be a struggle. There are 10 people in our family, and $100 each means $1,000. We all know that $100 each is next to no budget at all.
And so this year, I’m getting creative. I’m buying secondhand gifts. I’m trying to become a crafty person to create something meaningful for all of my loved ones. I’m wishing I had helpful elves to take on some of my Santa tasks. I’m actively choosing to leave the stress of trying to find work at the door until after the holiday. I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying.
I’m focusing on giving my mother support
My mother’s first Christmas as a widow can’t be consumed by my own stress. She needs comfort. She needs family. She needs joy. Luckily, all of that is free.
She needs me to be the grown-up in the house. She needs me to be Santa. They all do, and I refuse to buckle under the weight of it.
Instead, I’m going to choose to feel grateful that I have all of this love in my life.
Sitting across from the funeral director, I held my husband’s hand. I needed to feel something real while my body moved between sadness and shock. I glanced at my mom to steady her and at my husband for support. There was one person noticeably missing from our group: my dad.
The day before, I wouldn’t have guessed I’d be spending my afternoon at a funeral home. I had talked to my dad that night and made plans for our weekly dinner. When I hung up the phone, I had no clue that was the last time I’d speak to him. There was no inner hunch that doom was on the horizon, and nothing that said he wasn’t feeling well. So, the next morning, when the ER doctor told my mom, husband, and me that they tried to revive him and failed — I didn’t know how to process the information. Dying of a heart attack made no sense. I thought we had plenty of time.
Throughout my life, we had relied on him to answer the hard questions, and we desperately needed him now. It had only been three hours since his unexpected passing, and here we were planning his funeral. I had no idea what he wanted.
He was healthy and active
I recall sitting at my parents’ dinner table with my then-9-year-old son. He drank his milk while my dad gestured to the desk behind him. The white stack of papers (the size of a small novel) stood out against the stack of magazines. “Do you want to read my will?” my dad asked with a wink.
The author’s dad was healthy and active before he died.
Courtesy of the author
I paused.
Not really what I’d call an uplifting dinnertime read. At 71 years young, he was active and in good shape — a recent retiree ready to travel and spend time with his grandkids. I didn’t want to think about his potential decline — my dad was invincible.
He never caught the colds and stomach flus I brought home from school. He rarely missed work, and I figured I wouldn’t have to deal with this anytime soon. My grandparents lived well into their 80s — my great-grandmother until 100. I did the quick math — that was at least another 10 years or more.
I politely declined the read, telling him there’d be plenty of time to cover that another day. “That’s all right,” he began with a smirk,” I fell asleep when I tried to proofread it.” And that was that. There was no talk of caskets or whether he preferred The Beatles or the Rolling Stones to be played at his funeral.
No reason to discuss his death when he was so full of life. That night, we finished our hamburgers, and his will stayed on the desk, gathering dust, for the next year. And then time ran out.
Not knowing what my father wanted made it hard to grieve
This memory ran through my mind as I tried to answer the questions the funeral director asked. It was hard to concentrate with this huge lump in my stomach. Mostly, I wanted to cry and run away. Even hiding under the covers right now sounded like a good option.
I concentrated on the warmth of my husband’s hand and answered some basic questions, such as where my dad was born and his age. I failed when asked for his Social Security number. My mom tried to take over, but she was so distressed that her answers were slow and hard to access. I wanted to talk to my dad. I wish I had. This would be so much easier.
Looking at my husband, I immediately thought about my son sitting in a similar seat for us. My shoulders tensed. My tears started again, but this time because I imagined an older version of my kid stumbling through unknown answers with no space to feel his feelings. I did not want this overwhelming ordeal for him. If I could make it easier or eliminate this step completely, I would.
My husband and I made plans so my son doesn’t have to
Later that night, when my husband and I had a quiet moment alone, I told him I wanted to write out our death details for our son. He looked surprised and whispered, “We have plenty of time.” I’m sure that was meant to reassure me, but it was exactly what I said to my dad not that long ago. My mom heart would do anything to protect our son’s space to grieve. I wanted cozy childhood memories to comfort him when one of us couldn’t — not images of his mom or dad in a casket.
A few weeks later, as I processed my dad’s passing, my husband and I talked about our own. We created a checklist of what we wanted, including which funeral home and cemetery to contact. My husband and I added doodles and love notes to the list and made sure our will was in order, too. Instead of freaking my 9-year-old with more morbid information, we told trusted family members where to find all the papers. Fingers crossed, it will sit in my desk drawer gathering dust for many more years to come.
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