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A startup founder’s viral post about messaging a colleague on their wedding day sparked a boundary debate

Slacking a colleague on their wedding day? This founder’s message set off a viral firestorm across social media.

A startup founder’s X post purporting to show a Slack exchange with an employee on their wedding day has sparked a debate about hustle culture and “always-on” expectations for employees.

On Tuesday, AJ Orbach, cofounder of the e-commerce analytics company Triple Whale, shared a screenshot on X that shows him asking a staff member on Slack, “How is it going?”

“It’s going, got married this morning/afternoon, but I am back online,” they replied, the screenshot shows.

In the X post, which has since been deleted, Orbach praised the employee’s dedication, calling it “special.”

“One of our team just got married today… and still popped online for a bit,” Orbach wrote in the Tuesday X post, which has since been deleted. “Not because anyone asked. Is on fully approved PTO. Just genuinely excited about what they’re building.”

“That kind of ownership is special. Also told them to log off,” he added.

The post quickly went viral, garnering millions of views and hundreds of responses before its deletion. It also sparked debates across many separate social media posts. Many internet users were critical of it, while others praised the employee’s work ethic.

Business Insider has not been able to verify the authenticity of the exchange Orbach shared on X.

In a LinkedIn post, Ariel Rubin, the head of content at software firm Air, called the original post “one of the bleakest things I’ve ever seen on this website.” Rubin’s post attracted nearly 300 comments.

On Thursday, Orbach posted an apology on X.

“I’ll be the first to admit that my excitement got the best of me here,” he wrote.

“I care a lot about this company. Probably too much sometimes. This was one of those times.”

Triple Whale did not immediately respond to several requests for comment from Business Insider about Orbach’s post. Orbach and the employee mentioned in his post, Dylan Gifford, did not immediately respond to requests for comment.

‘Always on’ culture

Conversations about how digital communication tools have helped perpetuate an “always on” culture have existed for as long as the tools themselves.

Lines blurred further during the pandemic with the rise of remote work, but a post-pandemic boom eased some of the pressure to grind for many tech workers.

However, mass layoffs and a renewed drive for efficiency in the past few years have put some of that pressure back on.

Flexible work has made it harder for employees to disconnect, but an uncertain market has also intensified their work, Thomas Roulet, a professor of organizational sociology and leadership at the University of Cambridge Judge Business School, told Business Insider.

“Work itself is fast-paced because of the high level of uncertainty and volatility in most industries. It does require people to often be available outside hours for urgent requests,” Roulet added.

Almuth McDowall, a professor of organizational psychology at Birkbeck University of London, has researched work-life balance and remote work.

“It’s a persistent issue in many organizations that Slack and WhatsApp messages are being fired off all the time, without boundaries or thought,” McDowall told Business Insider.

“Flexible communication methods can be such an enabler, but if we use them unwisely, they ‘enslave others’ because the expectation is you have to respond.”

Regarding Orbach’s apology, McDowall said: “If you are an authentic business leader, fess up, say what you are doing to repair damage and outline clear steps for how you are going to do better.”

Roulet said leaders need to manage expectations from the start on whether a role requires around-the-clock availability.

“Employees are also free to push back and be clear on what their boundaries are,” he said.

“Often, they accept to be contacted outside hours until a time where it becomes hard for them — it’s too late to flag an issue on their end as they have created some expectations,” Roulet added.




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My grandmother wrote me a letter before my wedding. Her marriage advice insulted me at first, but now I get it.

I married my husband, Scott, in April 2025 after four years of dating.

Nobody was more excited for the wedding than our families. They rallied around us, sharing tips and calming me down when the planning became stressful.

My sister made a scrapbook for me to open the night before the nuptials. Inside, there were handwritten letters from my bridesmaids, my mom, and my 79-year-old grandmother.


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The author on her wedding day.

Courtesy of the author



The letters were sweet, romantic, and optimistic — well, almost all of them were. My grandmother’s letter had an ominous tone.

“I wish you and Scott all the happiness in the world in your married life. I am sure you two are just right for each other. That’s not to say it will all be plain sailing,” she wrote.

“There may be bumps along the road,” she added, “but love has a way of forgiving a multitude of sins.”

I was alarmed by my grandmother’s note

It was a huge contrast to the other letters in the scrapbook. While my bridesmaids reminisced about the past and shared excitement for my future, my grandma’s words stopped me in my tracks.

I remember laughing and shaking my head in disbelief. I then handed the letter to my mom, who was equally unimpressed.

It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the advice. But really, who wants to hear the words “love” and “sins” mentioned in the same sentence? Especially when it’s in relation to your own husband.


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The author was taken aback by her grandmother’s letter at first.

Courtesy of the author



For a brief moment, I contemplated what she meant by the word “sins.” Cheating? Lying? Or something else?

My gran has a fantastic relationship with my husband, so I couldn’t imagine what sparked her cautionary words. Similarly, I had never spoken a bad word about Scott to my grandmother.

Of course, like any couple, we’d had fights, but it was never anything relationship-threatening. And I had never spoken about it with my her.

Ultimately, I disregarded the note, just as you would ignore a speck of dirt on a white wedding dress. Even if nobody else notices it, you know it’s there.

Five months later, I learned a major lesson

The wedding day was picture-perfect.

I felt so fortunate that we got to celebrate with our loved ones, especially our grandmothers. Both Scott and I were the first grandchildren in our families to get married, so it felt extra special.

Five months later, I found my grandma’s letter while looking through the scrapbook. It looked different to me with fresh eyes. Now that some time had passed, I could look at it from a new perspective. I could read without taking it personally.

I thought about my grandmother’s life, and I realized that her words were never about my husband and me.

My gran married my late grandfather when they were just teenagers, and it’s fair to say they had many bumps in their own love story. Let’s just say, their relationship wasn’t like the kind I grew up watching in romantic comedies and Disney films.

However, they loved each other deeply. They were loyal, forgiving, and supported each other throughout their more than 50-year marriage.

Staying in love is a choice

Thinking about their relationship reminded me that falling in love is a feeling, but staying in love is a choice. It’s an action. It’s not something that just happens to a person.

The wedding is the beautiful part, but the marriage? That’s where things have the potential to get messy.


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The author now understands where her grandmother was coming from.

Courtesy of the author



I’ve been married for less than a year, so I’m not pretending to know all the answers. But if I’m honest with myself, I can admit that my grandma’s letter shook me because it didn’t fit the aesthetic Instagram version of what I thought marriage was supposed to be.

I know that my husband and I have a great deal of joy ahead of us. But we’re also going to witness one another’s pain, grief, disappointment, and growth. That’s just a part of sharing your life with someone.

If I ever catch myself feeling unprepared, I know I can revisit my grandma’s letter.




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We gave our daughter $20,000 for a wedding, but she used it for a home down payment and paid for her own wedding. Everyone was happy.

When Mike’s daughter got engaged, he and his wife wanted to help pay for it.

Mike, who asked Business Insider to only use his first name for privacy reasons, estimated that a wedding in the Kansas City area would cost between $15,000 and $25,000 at the time, which was around 2015.

Mike and his wife decided they could put $20,000 towards the wedding, but they knew wedding spending can get out of hand and that emotions tend to run high during the planning process.

So instead of working closely with their daughter on her wedding plans and talking through each potential cost, they came up with a straightforward solution: give her and her fiancé a lump sum of $20,000 and let them do all the planning.

“I didn’t want to be telling my daughter what she could and couldn’t do,” he said. “She was an adult.”

Mike said the strategy took the pressure off him and his wife and helped avoid any wrestling over who was buying what or what his daughter could and could not have at her own wedding. He also said it helped him and his wife contribute the amount they wanted without going over budget by adding on things here and there.

In 2023, the national average cost of a wedding was $35,000, according to The Knot, while the average cost in Kansas was $25,000. Still, most couples end up going over their budget. A Real Weddings Study by The Knot found 56% of couple spent an average of $7,600 more on their wedding than they planned. Others exceeded their budget by more than $10,000.

While tradition typically has the bride’s family primarily paying for a wedding, those customs are changing, especially as Americans get married later in life and are more able to take on their own wedding costs. A 2023 study from The Knot found it’s more common for couples and their families to split the costs equally.

Mike, his wife, their daughter, and her fiancé were all happy with the lump-sum agreement.

“Then they kind of tricked me,” he said, laughing. “One day, they came home and said, ‘Hey, we bought a house.'”

The couple took the $20,000 and used it to put a down payment on their home — before they actually had their wedding, which they then planned to pay for out of their own pocket.

Initially, Mike was surprised, but ultimately, he thought it was a good thing that his daughter and her fiancé paid for their own wedding.

“If kids are not given carte blanche on wedding plans, if they’re forced to budget from their own standpoint, the whole thing just doesn’t get out of hand,” he said.

The couple held the wedding at the rose garden in Loose Park, a large public park in Kansas City, and at a popular reception hall. Mike said everything about the wedding seemed reasonable but that he never learned what they ended up spending.

“I never asked,” he said.

If the couple had used the money for a down payment and then eloped, Mike said that may have bothered him. But as long as he and his wife were still able to attend their daughter’s wedding, they were happy.

“I figured I got off for a reasonable amount of money for the wedding, and they got a down payment on a house out of the deal and a wedding,” he said.

Mike said he thinks too many people get caught up on the lavish weddings they see on TikTok, but that it can take away from the “whole point of having a wedding, which is to have a marriage.”

He also said that he thinks by helping them learn how to budget their money for a wedding, it was also a good step towards learning how to budget in a marriage.

Mike’s wife did end up giving their daughter a bit more money in the end, which he thinks was for something having to do with her dress.

“She snuck it in,” he said, laughing. “She couldn’t resist.”

Have a news tip or a story to share about the costs of throwing a wedding or being in a bridal party? Contact this reporter at kvlamis@businessinsider.com.


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