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My husband and I just celebrated our 30th anniversary. Here’s what I’ve learned about love, life, and parenting.

by with No Comment Xpandfy

My husband and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in March, and I can’t believe how fast it’s gone.

Thirty years sounds like a lifetime, and in many ways it is. We’ve raised two kids, built careers, navigated illness, experienced loss, and grown through more life stages than I could have imagined when we first started out.

Looking back, I’ve realized that a long-lasting marriage doesn’t just teach you how to stay together. It teaches you how to live. Over three decades, the lessons become less about the relationship itself and more about what actually matters.

Laughter is everything

The most important lesson, by far, is laughter. It’s something I say all the time, but after 30 years, I know it’s true. If you aren’t laughing together early, when life is easy and fun, you will struggle when life gets hard. And life gets hard. There are seasons you don’t see coming, moments that test you, and experiences that shift everything.

Laughter becomes the thing that pulls you back to each other. It softens the edges of stress, diffuses tension, and reminds you why you chose each other in the first place. It gives you a way through when there isn’t a clear solution. The couples who last are often the ones who can still laugh together, even when things are tough.

Experiences matter more than things

Another lesson that becomes clearer over time is that experiences matter far more than material objects. I couldn’t tell you what gifts we exchanged for most anniversaries or holidays. They’ve faded into the background.


Christina Daves and her husband on their weddings day

The author on her wedding day. 

Courtesy of Christina Daves



But I can vividly remember trips we took, places we explored, and even the simplest moments where everything just felt right. Those are the things that stay with you.

When you’re building a life, it’s easy to focus on accumulating things that make you feel secure or successful. But what you end up valuing most are the shared experiences that create memories, connection, and meaning over time.

The years with your kids go fast

Raising kids brings its own lessons, and they really only become fully clear in hindsight. When you’re in the middle of it, the days can feel long and exhausting. Your life revolves around children’s schedules, activities, and constant demands on your time and energy.

But when you look back, it feels like it all happened in a blink. One day you’re packing lunches and driving to practices, and the next you’re standing in a quiet house wondering where the years went.

Thirty years of marriage have shown me that those seasons are incredibly short, even when they don’t feel like it in the moment.

It makes you realize how important it is to be present while you’re in it because you don’t get that time back.

Trust and shared values matter most

Over time, you also learn that trust and shared values matter far more than getting everything right. No one has a perfect marriage for 30 years. There are disagreements, misunderstandings, and moments where you fall short.

What carries you through isn’t perfection, it’s knowing you’re on the same team. It’s having a foundation of trust and a shared understanding of what matters most. That becomes the anchor during the harder-to-navigate times, when life feels uncertain or overwhelming.

Life goes faster than you think

The biggest lesson of all is how quickly life moves. After 30 years together, especially after walking through life, loss, illness, and grief, you become much more aware of how precious time really is.

You start to see how much of your life is already behind you, and it changes your perspective on what’s ahead of you. The things that once felt urgent or frustrating don’t carry the same weight anymore. The small stuff becomes just that, small.

You become more intentional about how you spend your time and who you spend it with. You stop getting caught up in things that don’t matter and start focusing on what does. You appreciate the everyday moments more because you understand how quickly they pass.

Thirty years of marriage didn’t just teach me how to be a better partner. It taught me how to live a better life. It taught me to laugh more, to value experiences over things, to be present with the people I love, and to let go of what doesn’t matter.

Because in the end, life goes fast. And how you spend it and with whom matters more than anything.




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My husband and I are empty nesters, celebrating our 25th anniversary. A trip to Japan was exactly what we needed to reconnect.

by with No Comment Xpandfy

As is the case for many couples, travel has always been the magic ingredient that bonds my husband and me. We are both seekers, curious sorts bordering on downright nosy, so delving into a new destination is a shared passion.

During our honeymoon — my first-ever international trip — we traipsed through Rome, Florence, and Venice. I was absolutely smitten. In the years since, my husband and I criss-crossed the world together, with our son often in tow. But our globetrotting ways took a back seat when our kid started high school. Gone were the days we could simply pull him from classes for a jet-setting adventure, and he was still too young to be left home alone.

That son is now a college sophomore. He’s settled into campus life, while we’ve navigated our empty nest. As we approached our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband and I knew it was time to get back out there in a big way, together.

We first had a big decision to make

The first thing we needed to do was decide on our travel itinerary. This became an exercise in compromise.

I lobbied for Morocco: visions of dreamy riads, the desert’s golden light, and romantic scenes from the film “Casablanca” filled my imagination.

My husband had another plan, a complete 180 from what I had in mind. Japan topped his list, and for all the great reasons you’d expect: the food, the history, the art, and of course, the culture. The good news is all of those things interest me as well, so it didn’t take much to shift my mindset.

We immediately booked our plane tickets to Tokyo and planned a side trip to Kyoto. Morocco can wait; we’ll get there eventually.

Japan was everything we expected it to be

We marveled at the immersive, trippy art in Azabudai Hills, respectfully offered prayers at historic temples, and strolled through immaculate gardens. We savored an incredible 14-course omakase dinner. We survived the famed Shibuya Scramble and sipped green-hued matcha-infused beer at the top of Tokyo City View. We fumbled through buying our Shinkansen tickets at a busy kiosk, marveling at the views aboard the famed bullet train.


Erika Ebsworth-Goold in front of a temple arch in japan

The author and her husband loved traveling throughout Japan.

Courtesy of Erika Ebsworth-Goold



Neither of us speaks Japanese. Throughout our trip, we relied on each other and solved problems together.

We were most gratified to realize we still enjoyed each other’s company.

We loved trying new experiences as empty nesters

While an empty nest might make for a quieter existence, it doesn’t necessarily change everyday household stress or schedules. Let’s face it: the daily grind can become tedious even for the most committed couples. But our holiday restored the shine that day-to-day routines tend to dull.

The drastic change of scenery Japan provided was a welcome jolt, giving me the confidence to step far outside my own comfort zone on our final day. When I discovered our Kyoto hotel had an on-site onsen, I decided to take a dip. For the record: my husband declined the chance to hit up the men’s facilities, but told me to go for it.

As is tradition, bathing suits are not allowed in the mineral spring spas. I had to take the waters just like anyone else, in the buff. I’d successfully navigated temples, shrines, mysterious foods, and massive crowds.

And guess what? I survived the onsen, too, in the nude. No regrets.

Being empty nesters redefined our relationship

I’ve come to realize that our empty nest is actually a wonderful opportunity. My husband and I have the time and freedom to redefine ourselves. The primary focus is no longer raising our child: that heavy lifting is pretty much done. We can now redirect a lot of that energy back to our relationship.

Travel has always connected us and refilled our collective tank; our journey to Japan was proof that it still does. It reminded me of all the reasons I was drawn to my husband in the first place. We remain a great team, especially on the go, half a world away.

Experiencing a new place with my best friend is a thrill, one that allows us to keep creating new life chapters and memories together.

I’m already itching to pack my bags again. Where to next?




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My husband and I dread filing taxes. To help motivate us, we treat ourselves to a date night after we file.

by with No Comment Xpandfy

My husband and I took over four hours to file our taxes the first time we filed jointly. We each dreaded the task as single adults, but together it was somehow even more unbearable. Not only is there more paperwork to submit, but the vibe can turn tense — and anything but romantic — when it comes to dealing with our finances.

To mitigate this, we each gather our tax documents in advance. We learned the hard way that getting organized beforehand cuts our time spent sitting at the computer by literal hours. When we each take time to gather what we need to file, it only takes us about an hour to file online.

When we finally hit “submit,” we head to our yearly tradition to celebrate.

We hate doing our taxes, so we came up with a reward system

Having something to look forward to after filing really helps us focus on just getting it done with minimal anxiety.

The first few times we did our taxes this way, the reward was takeout from one of our favorite places and a movie night in with “Gilmore Girls”- level treats.

This is not only our ideal date night, but it’s also nostalgic as we started dating during the pandemic. All of our first dates involved a nice takeout dinner or a movie night at one of our places, so our tax reward dates remind us of those times.

This year looked a bit different

I am no longer working full-time due to health issues this year, and so our joint income has been slashed in half. Couple that with the rising cost of nearly everything, and things have gotten tight for us.

We’ve had to reexamine our budget periodically and cut costs where we can. We’ve saved the most money by hardly ever eating out.

That’s why I wanted our reward to look a bit different this year. Instead of takeout, I immediately thought of all the things I haven’t been getting from the grocery store because we don’t “need” them. I wanted the Talenti gelato I never let myself buy. I was also craving my two favorite items from the Publix bakery: guava pastelitos and black-and-white cookies.

My husband, on the other hand, just wanted to make his favorite comfort meal: tacos. After getting stressed out during the filing process, I think the tacos helped us both re-regulate afterward. We eat tacos almost every week, so it wasn’t out of the norm. But I found it really interesting that after cutting back on eating out this year, we’ve each really grown to prefer our home cooking, so much so that my husband’s own tacos were his reward.

We also had to reframe the task of filing our taxes

No matter what our return was this year, we decided beforehand to put it toward the summer vacation we’re taking anyway. This helped us feel like we’re getting a “free” trip, but it also removes any expectation from our return. Whether it’s great this year or not, looking at it ahead of time as a coupon for our summer vacation removes any disappointment if the return is awful, as well as any guilt about the cost of our trip.

Based on my initial experience, filing taxes with a spouse can really suck the love out of a room. Knowing this was something we’d have to go through each year, I felt that we’d benefit from a survival plan.

Our predetermined reward system helps separate the chore of taxes from our marriage and makes us a more effective team.

I wouldn’t say our system is romantic, but it definitely helps in the big picture of our relationship.




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My husband asked for a divorce. A few days later, we went on vacation together.

by with No Comment Xpandfy

Last June, my husband came back from a long surfing trip and asked me for a divorce. I was stunned. Confused. Heartbroken.

By then, we’d been married for nearly seven years — June 15th would’ve been our seventh wedding anniversary. To celebrate it, I had organized a short getaway.

We’d stay in a five-star hotel in Cascais, a gorgeous seaside just outside of Lisbon. Our schedule was packed with fun stuff like a helicopter tour, high-end massages, and lunch at a Michelin-starred restaurant by the beach.

Everything was locked in, and it felt far too late to cancel. So, a few days after the bombshell request, we went.

Our ‘perfect’ getaway felt confusing, tense, and awkward


View of chairs around body of water in front of hotel

We stayed in a beautiful hotel right along the beach.

Alix Campbell



As we embarked on the three-and-a-half-hour drive to our hotel, I brought up all the exciting activities awaiting us whenever the silence became uncomfortable.

I had pictured our anniversary getaway completely differently. I thought we’d be in a happy cloud of not having seen each other for weeks, ready for a little romantic adventure.

Instead, we were stuck in this weird place. I didn’t fully understand what was going on between us, and he wasn’t fully able to communicate his feelings. Although he seemed to have made up his mind about splitting, I still believed we could work things out.

For most of our four-day trip, I tried to pretend that everything was fine, but, of course, I felt it wasn’t.

The usual silly banter between us felt forced. When we sat in a restaurant after a full day of activities, we giddily chatted about the fancy dishes being served to us, but when we walked back to our hotel post-meal, we were mostly silent.

To put a cherry on top of this awkwardness, the hotel surprised us with a bottle of Champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries on the date of our anniversary. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry as a staff member wheeled these goodies into our room.

The connection between us still felt undeniable — there were still the inside jokes we’d curated over the years, that familiarity, and a feeling of safety that I’d taken for granted over the years.

We both seemed to cycle through a bunch of emotions, ping-ponging between feeling like strangers wildly attracted to each other (especially after a few cocktails) and a couple grappling with the fact that their relationship was broken.

By the time we got home, it was clear that we’d take some time apart. He moved out and stayed with friends, while I remained in our home looking after our cats.

Looking back, I don’t regret going on the trip


Table set for dinner with view of beach behind it

Our Michelin-starred dinner was delicious, even if it was a bit awkward.

Alix Campbell



A few months after our vacation, we finally sat down together and really talked.

Having had more time to let everything settle, I reflected on our vacation during this turbulent time. I realized it was OK for me to feel confused in the middle of a breakup.

I could acknowledge that although we laughed and had romantic moments, I felt disillusioned. I felt nostalgic, but I also noticed a rift between us that made me incredibly sad.

He’d lost himself along the way as our relationship progressed, and whenever I noticed him withdrawing I wouldn’t dig too deep because I was afraid he’d tell me something I didn’t want to hear.

The pressure built up, and this lack of communication led to the very issues we were trying to avoid: Me, being left, and him, having to deal with all of these emotions instead of running from them.

Going on this trip was weird and uncomfortable; a desperate attempt to “fix” us. It didn’t. Instead, it provided the confined space away from home we needed to be confronted with issues we most likely would’ve kept avoiding.

In Cascais, I didn’t know where our relationship would end up. Now, we’re working on finalizing our divorce, and believe it or not, we’re on good terms.

I’m glad we went on the trip.




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